Law, Disorder, and SHSL Stupidity
by Mioda Ibuki
Summary: The first year of high school is here, and the boys are ready, after a bit of being apart. But, of course, it's not that easy with their town being the weirdness magnet that it was - how will they react in a mutual killing game? Based upon Dangan Ronpa. Rating will most likely be raised to M. New chapters released when I feel like it.
1. Prologue

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**

**act 1: (ab)normal days**

**prologue: old faces, new places**

**- WELCOME TO THE ROOM [SKEKL]! Message of the Day: 'the reason why we don't have girlfriends is because we're all secretly pining away for each other. swoon.' - Kenny, describing our non-existant love lives -**

**Kenny: **oh hey, look who finally showed up.

**Cartman: **Kyle. Good of you to come in this hour of triumph and glory.

**Butters: ** - (^w^) hiya kyle

**Cartman: **Butters, what did I say about the emoticons?

**Butters: **(;w;) that they're super faggy

**Cartman: **Exactly, so stop it.

**Stan: **help me kyle i'm trapped in idiot hell

**Kyle: **Nice to see you all too. What did you mean by triumph and glory, Cartman?

**Cartman: **Ohohohoho.

**Cartman: **Hohohoho.

**Cartman: **Ohohohohohohoooo.

**Kyle: **Stop the typed out evil laughter and just spit it out already.

**Cartman: **Fine, fine. I, Eric Cartman, have managed to get into the most prestigious academy in the whole US. Saint Charles' School For The Gifted And Talented.

**Kyle: **...

**Stan: **...

**Butters: **...

**Kenny: **oh so it's not just me that's a beacon of light amongst my darkened peers a-fucking-men

**Cartman: **...Waitwaitwait. What.

**Kyle: **Yeah, they sent me a letter a few weeks ago.

**Stan: **Same here.

**Butters: **(-w-);; my parents signed me up for it

**Kenny: **i didnt even apply or apply myself to jack shit and i got in

**Cartman: **Then what the fuck are your titles?!

**Kyle: **We'll just have to see on our first day, now won't we, fatass. ;)

**Cartman: **Shut the hell up, jew.

**Kenny: **does anyone know where the fuck this place is because google maps is giving me fuckall and they didnt include an address

**Butters: **my mom said it was on the outskirts of south park? kinda near denver but not exactly.

**Cartman: **I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE AGAIN. WHY IS IT NOT IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO FREEZING MY BALLS OFF EVERY MORNING GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT I LIKE THE WARMTH.

**Kenny: **y'know i'm seeing underskirts of a conspiracy there's gotta be something up with the fact that it's near south park

**Kyle: **I wouldn't think so? Then again, a lot of weird shit does happen around here.

**Stan: **It's kind of like a filter. I don't know what it is about South Park, but it makes everyone stupid and makes weird shit happen. When you haven't been there for a while, it wears off, but the minute you get back in the weirdness sticks to you like a magnet.

**Cartman: **Stan's kinda right there. And that's why I fucking hate this now. I'm going to go bury my head into my pillow, scream, enjoy whatever hours of heat I have left, and then start packing.

**Kenny: **i thought blubber conserved warmth

**Cartman: **You do remember that I was liveblogging my diet like, a few months ago?

**Kenny: **yea and that's why you were even more hostile and annoying than usual :)

**Cartman: **I hate all of you, going to go do what I said I was going to do, fuck all of you, see you first day of school.

**Cartman **has left the channel.

**Butters: **(;w;)/ sorry eric

**Kenny: **don't be sorry he's a prick and it's fun to get at him when i can since he got at us so many times before

**Kyle: **I'm sorry, I was laughing my ass off at Cartman being told off, did I miss much?

**Kenny: **no but we missed you, all the homo possible

**Kyle: **Flattered, but I'll have to pass that one up.

**Kenny: **one day kyle, one day you will be mine and that day will be fantastic for you

**Kyle: **Uh-huh. So Cartman's moving back from California, Stan, you're moving back from Washington?

**Stan: **Mmmhmm, my mom's not letting me pass on this, so yeah, I'm coming back.

**Kyle: **And Butters, you're coming back from...

**Butters: **\(^w^)/ texas \(^w^)/

**Kenny: **i shouldve never taught you about emoticons

**Kyle: **Sweet. It's been pretty lonely with it just being Kenny and I.

**Kenny: **dont tell me that you dont miss our intimate time kyle us getting all close and personal

**Stan: **Close and personal time and I'm not included?

**Kenny: **a threesome can be arranged

**Kyle: **Let's save the threesome for after we get to school, alright? Besides, it's a boarding school, we've all got to pack.

**Kenny: **oh yes let me pack my absolute nothing that i have

**Kyle: **You have a laptop and clothes. Plus, that 3DS I got you for your birthday.

**Kenny: **that was the gift that won my heart

**Butters: **aw, hamburgers! i probably really should pack or my parents are gonna be mighty sore. i'll see you all later (^w^)/

**Butters** has left the channel.

**Stan: **Right. I'm gonna start packing. I'll send a group text message to meet in front of the school. It's really good to be able to see you guys again. Slight homo.

**Kyle: **Same here. Slight homo.

**Kenny: **mmmhmm all the homo have all my homo dongs and schlongs and all of it anyway kyle im probably gonna spend the night again at your house w/karen

**Kyle: **Your parents are fighting again?

**Kenny: **yeah

**Kyle: **Sorry 'bout that. Come over here whenever ya want.

**Kenny **has left the channel.

**Kyle **has left the channel.

**Stan **has left the channel.

**SEPTEMBER 11th**

**9 AM**

Well, today's the day. I don't know if that's a bad or good thing, but it's...a thing, at least. I laid in my bed, eyes open, trying to work up the urge to move. It was at that moment that my mom, being the...well...the motivated woman that she is, barged into my room.

"Kyle! Why aren't you dressed?! We need to get you to the school in half an hour, and I don't know how long the drive is!"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'll get dressed now."

"Alright, just hurry. I've already got Ike in the car."

Ike was in the third grade now, and it was kind of a miracle that mom managed to push him into the car. He's pretty hyperactive, but that might have something to do with the fact that he's Canadian. Which is how he also gets away with farting so much. But yeah, typical stuff, orange jacket, green hat, bluejeans, green mittens...alright, I'm ready. Taking a few steps down the stairs, I nabbed my backpack, and dashed out to the car.

Ike snorted as I hopped in and buckled myself in. "Mom, did you terrify Kyle again?"

"Not terrify. I just...made him hurry up a bit." Well, I can't say it's surprising at this point - and then Kenny ran outside, waving his hand as we were about to take off. "Oh, Kyle, does he need a ride?"

"Yeah, I'd expect so." I opened the door for Kenny, and he and his sister hopped in. Kenny's a nice guy, despite his many...many...many quirks, and his habit of flirting with nearly everyone. His sister, Karen, is pretty quiet and she gets sick a lot, but she's smart. I think Ike has a crush on her.

"Thank you." Kenny said, then squeezed himself between Karen and I...considering we only had three seats back here, it wasn't exactly prime seating and someone had to be left without a belt. Clearly that someone was going to be Kenny. Mom started the car, and we began to ride off to St. Charles'.

When I got the letter from that school, it was pretty odd. I know my mom had sent every document she could find of me to any and every charter school from here to Denver, but this one was really official, like it was a government document or something. At the top of the envelope was a logo of a shield with what looked like a staff going through it, and this curvy line over it. It simply read 'high school' at the bottom of the logo. Typically, an ominous logo in black-and-white was a sign to turn back, but I didn't.

The letter had this to say:

_Dear __**Kyle Broflovski**__,_  
_Congratulations! You have been accepted to be part of the beginning class of St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented. We are a sister school of Hope's Peak Academy in Japan, a school founded with the exact same mission: to find children who are best in any certain field and help their growth so that the world may have a more hopeful future. You have been accepted under the title of __**Super High School Level (SHSL) Basketball Player**__, as we have seen your talents in this field and believe that you are far beyond average in this field. If you would be interested in joining our opening class, please write us back, and we will include a letter with the directions._  
_Sincerely,_  
_**St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented**_

As much as I doubted that my skills in basketball were that good, my mom nearly fainted when I showed her the letter, and she outright stated that this was the one I was going to. No objections. And if there's one thing about my mom, it's that when her mind gets set on something, there's no turning back. So she immediately wrote them back while I took to looking up information on Hope's Peak Academy online.

There wasn't much about it, but according to the posts I found on image boards, almost everyone who went there went on to be remarkably successful in their fields, from baseball to computer programming to even swordfighting. It was interesting, but how did they do it? That was the question that kinda dwelled in the back of my mind. How? They can't guarantee success for anyone unless they have massive ties with...everywhere. I couldn't exactly wrap my mind around it, but at least I knew I was in good hands...or so I guessed, actually. I couldn't exactly know for sure.

It was a bit of a drive, so Kenny and I started talking. "So, what'd you get in on, Kyle?" He asked. A typical starting question.

"Um, they said I was the Super...Super? Super High School Level Basketball Player. I don't really see how, but, hey, there it is."

"Damn, you got in the easy way, sports." He shook his head, putting his hand over his mouth.

"What'd you get in on?"

"That, my friend, is my little secret." Kenny stated, and then hastily moved onto another subject. "Think there'll be any hot girls here?"

"...Maybe?"

"Y'know, I really hope they have one talent in particular..." Kenny smirked, then mouthed the words 'Super High School Level Porn Star'. That wasn't unexpected.

"I wouldn't think so." Kenny's mind went back and forth from sex, to drugs, to mischief, and then finally correcting whatever he did wrong. I don't know, he's always been a bit odd, but he had the most empathy out of pretty much anyone I knew. If anyone that he cared about was hurt, he took it upon himself to make sure they were alright. He kinda built upon that from when Butters was around, but he's gotten a lot better lately.

Karen coughed into her palm, and Kenny looked over, wrapping an arm around her. "Hey, ya gonna be alright when I'm gone, kiddo?"

"Mmhm...Ike said he'll take care of me." Karen smiled. Ike sunk into his seat as Kenny looked at him with a knowing smirk.

"Right. Take it slow, make sure that you're both alright with it, and use protection."

"Protection for wha-"

The car finally stopped in front of an imposing building. It almost seemed like a cathedral, the tips of it reaching up to poke the clouds above. Kenny whistled as we hopped out, shaking his head. "Damn." He said quietly. Karen waved her brother goodbye, and Ike nodded at me, atempting to say goodbye in a 'cool' way. I nodded back - and took off before mom started crying. Not gonna deal with that today.

Immediately as we walked into the courtyard, I saw a familiar face. "Stan!" I called out, waving my hand. He looked over, then grinned, shouting behind him that Kenny and I were here, and then he dashed over.

"Hey! You two haven't changed." He commented. "But...hey, I really missed you both."

"I missed you too, Stan." I really did. He was almost like another brother to me, and it kinda hurt to be too far apart from him.

"Still super best friends?"

"Still super best friends."

"Well, if you two are done fagging it up over here-" Of course, that was Cartman. I looked over and- wow, he really did lose weight. He hardly looked like himself, to be honest. But it was still obviously him, I could tell by that voice. No one in the world sounded like him, and that was probably a good thing.

"...Y'kinda said that you were really excited too, y'know." Butters spoke up. Still the slightly-feminine blonde-haired boy that was shorter than pretty much everyone here. Cartman gave him a piercing glare, and he gulped, chuckling nervously.

"..." Cartman sighed, tapping his foot as Butters ran over and hugged all of us, which got a pout from the former fatass.

"Get the fuck over here." Kenny said cheerfully, and dragged Cartman in by the coat into the hug. Cartman twitched a bit, but allowed it. Oddly enough, I think I saw him smile just a bit. "Aww, yep, this is how it feels to be in a harem." With that, Kenny ruined the moment, earning him a flick on the nose from Stan. "Ow. Okay, not a harem, fine..." He paused. "Not yet, at least..." He added under his breath.

Once we all pulled out of the hug, we looked at each other. "Well...let's go ahead and start the school year." Stan said, and we all nodded. With that, we all took off in a race towards the front door...

And the world went **black.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**

**act 1: (ab)normal days**

**chapter 1: welcome to hell**

When I came back to, I was in a classroom. The blackboard had a crude drawing of something (whatever it was had a creepy-ass smile) on it, which is the first thing I noticed. The second thing I noticed was that there were metal plates on the windows. Well. Either they're keeping something out, or keeping something - likely us - in. I took a step out from the desk I had been propped up in, and pulled at it. Yep, definitely unmovable. With that, I looked around the room, and then looked up at the blackboard again. Looking closer at it, I could tell that there were words erased previously.

'Go to the Auditorium!' It was the only thing that seemed relevant to me, and perhaps everyone else was there. Everyone else. Exactly what had happened? One minute I was outside with my friends, the next I was inside a dark and dank classroom, alone. There was some gap there. Did they use something to knock me out immediately? What could knock me out that easily? Even then, I had a headache, but I wasn't bleeding. Unless whatever it was that knocked me out had remarkable catching skills, I'd have to be bleeding due to the pavement. But no, not a scratch on me. That was something I had to keep in mind.

After I exited out of the classroom, glass windows were visible, but even they, despite the pictures, had metal plates behind the glass. The pictures were normal things. Stars, colors, that sort. As I proceeded to the auditorium, however, there was one stained glass window that was a bit...off. It was normal and colored, sure, but it had a red streak through it that didn't look natural. It looked like...blood. But I reached over and touched it, and none of it came off on my fingertips. It'd be brown-ish if it were old and therefore more sticky, but no, this was fresh, if it really were blood. Then why couldn't I feel it?

It was unsettling, to say the least. Perhaps there were maniac nuns who wanted to kill us and use our bodies for rituals once we came 'of age'. That's obviously sarcasm, but considering we were near South Park...anything was possible. As I found the auditorium, I pushed open the door, and sure enough, inside were a load of kids who looked my age. My classmates, I assumed.

The auditorium was big. It was like a professional theater, with a huge stage, two sets of balcony seats ascending, rows and rows of chairs...it was bigger than anyone needed in a school, at least. All of it was red and gold. As I said, pretty average. With a quick glance around at the present students, I could pick out a few. Wendy was here, which wasn't too surprising - she's just as smart as me - and her friend Bebe was beside her. Jimmy was in the back, talking with Tweek and Craig. Nichole was up front, sitting next to Clyde, and one of the goth kids was a few seats over, puffing on a cigarette (I think her name was Henrietta?)

"Nice to see ya finally made it." Turning around, I noticed that Cartman had snuck up behind me, Kenny, Stan, and Butters following after. "So, I'm guessing that you know jack shit about what's going on, just like us? Or are you in on this little scheme, Jew? I wouldn't put it past you-"

"No. I don't know anything. I just woke up in a classroom, saw that the blackboard told me to go to the auditorium, and here I am. Did the same thing happen to everyone else?"

"As far as everyone's said? Yes. It happened to me, at least. Can't say it's not suspicious." Cartman curled his lip up, one of those traits he had when he was thinking particularly hard about something. "The room I was in was...pretty average. It looked like a normal classroom, but there was reinforced titanium plates on the windows, and...well...when I checked my pocket, my iPhone was gone. No computer in the classroom, either. They had an old phone in there, but the line was dead. I couldn't dial out. Not even 911. Something's going on, and it can't be good. I advise none of you to take your chances. Either this is a gigantic prank and the faculty are to be feared when it comes to pranks, or we're not in for a normal education."

"...Y'know what the funny part is?" Kenny spoke up, digging into his pocket, and pulling out a switchblade. "I had this, and they didn't take it away. And yet they took our phones. So apparently phones are more lethal than blades. Who knew?"

"I saw one of the goth kids smoking a cigarette, too. Don't they usually confiscate lighters?" Stan interjected.

"..." Cartman looked down, his eyes narrowing. "...These items all have something in common. They can be used to-"

"ATTENTION! ATTENTION, STUDENTS! THE INTRODUCTION CEREMONY WILL BEGIN IN 5 MINUTES! PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS, AND LISTEN UP!" That was odd. The voice sounding off from the intercom was childish, cartoonish in a way. Butters did as told, and took a seat. Stan followed suit, then Kenny, then Cartman, and then I sat down. Cartman was looking up at the stage intently, while Butters had curled himself up a bit, clearly afraid. Kenny was...filing his nails with his switchblade, and Stan was staring at him in disbelief. I was far too used to Kenny's reckless endangerment by now; it'd stopped being a real big deal years ago.

It seemed as though the auditorium was filled with anticipation. The tension in the air was almost overwhelming. And then the stage curtains rose up, revealing a single podium with no one behind it, causing confused expressions. However, just as we had thought that the announcement was a joke, a-was that a plush teddy bear?! A plush teddy bear landed on top of the podium. "Today marks the start of a new school year, and as a result, I'll introduce myself to you freshmen! I'm Monokuma, your headmaster!"

...Seriously?

Peeking at the others, I could tell that Kenny had stopped taking this seriously. Stan was confused, Butters was a mix between 'aww it's so cute' and 'what the hell', and Cartman...Cartman seemed to be taking it just as seriously as before. Figures, with that whole episode when he outgrew his toys. Actually, that was kind of similar. Did he have something to do with this?

"Welcome to St Charles Academy, ya little buds of hope! I'm sure you're all very excited, but we've gotta get the basics through first. Ahem." The plush stood up, rubbing its chin with one paw. "Right, right! As you all can tell, this school was made with the best of the best! We spared no expense for you little bastards to make your school years as enjoyable as possible." Bastards? "Of course, this is naturally because your time here will be...indefinite."

"...What do you mean, indefinite?" Wendy questioned.

"Indefinite means you're not getting out. Ever. If you need a dictionary, I have one right here." The bear answered in a smug tone.

"So, the metal plates are to keep us in?" She added.

"That's right. You can scream and scream all you like, but no help is coming, so don't even think about counting on the police to get you out...but, y'know, there is one way to get out-"

"Explain."

"It's a special rule I made up called 'graduation'. If a student breaks order, that student alone will get to leave school grounds."

"...What do you mean by that?" Cartman spoke up.

"Oh, simply...there's only one way to break order, and that is...the act of killing another person." The bear revealed a claw. "Clubbing, stabbing, beating, beheading, staking, baking, impaling, shooting...the method doesn't matter. Only someone who kills someone else can leave - and only if no one finds out the culprit. If the culprit is deducted, they will be punished. However, if the culprit evades capture, everyone else will get punished instead."

Cartman nodded a bit, looking more...intrigued than anything. "...Interesting. The perfect murder..." He mused to himself, then glanced around at the faces in the room. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing that I was: no one could really be trusted at this rate. The bear noticed the distrust spreading upon everyone's faces, and giggled.

"Upupupu. Jeez, already such mistrust and hate...what wonderful despair you all have. I look forward to seeing how you all take our new gruesome school life. See you later." With that, the evil plush sunk into a trap door, and the room was filled with an overwhelming silence.

"...You...you all won't kill each other...right?" It was finally Butters, of all people, who spoke up and broke the silence.

"Of course not." Stan replied, and I nodded. Kenny seemed to agree as well, from his expression. However, Cartman was a different story.

"On the case that this isn't a prank, I promise nothing." He stated. "If I need to do something, it'll be every man for himself at the end. Even if I'd prefer to not kill anyone, who's to say I won't have to? We don't know what's going to happen. That's why you really can't trust everyone on their word...hey, at least I'm being honest."

As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. We didn't know what would happen, but Kenny rolled his eyes, took his mittens off, and then grinned. "Well. We'll just make one of those promises like we did when we were younger." He spat into the palm of his hand. Stan followed suit, and so did Butters. I began to follow suit, but, of course, fatass was hesitant to do anything. "I...that's disgusting." He frowned.

"Dude, you're the one who is overly proud of his farts." Stan stated, deadpan. Cartman fidgeted, then shook his head.

"I'm still not gonna do it." He said, and that was when Kenny reached at his hand, started to pull off his mitten-and he flipped. He pushed Kenny away, roughly, shaking his head and pushing his mitten back on. "I SAID...I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO FUCKING DO IT, YOU POOR SACK OF SHIT! **DON'T TOUCH ME! EVER!**" At Kenny's mildly surprised reaction, he fidgeted again, and then ran off.

I could've sworn he actually looked...afraid.

Kenny sighed, shaking his head. "Someone's on his period." He stated nonchalantly. Those sort of freakouts were nothing new - they happened all the time when we were younger, so it's not like it was much of a shock. But even then, it was usually just a bratty temper tantrum. This one seemed like genuine anger. "He'll be fine later." Kenny brushed it off, then looked about the room. Most everyone else were silent, either looking at the ceiling, or at the floor. Some were picking at their nails, or biting them. All nervous. Except Kenny, being the oddball that he is. "So. Hi. My name's Kenny McCormick. Super High School Level Unknown. And you all are?"

"Wendy Testaburger. Super High School Level Activist." Wendy was the one to continue it. "Nice to meet you."

"Hi, I'm Stan Marsh, and I'm Super High School Level Quarterback." Everyone was saying these things with such confidence. Jeez. Kenny nudged Butters in the side, and Butters gulped.

"B-Butters Stotch is my name! And I'm...'m...Super High School Level Tap Dancer."

"Kyle Broflovski. SHSL Basketball Player." There. That's done with. I listened to the rest of the introductions quietly.

"Craig Tucker, SHSL Pianist. Don't ask, it's a family thing. The guy sitting next to me is Tweek Tweak. SHSL Paranormal Investigator." I knew them pretty well, although neither were too fond of my friends and I. It's not too surprising that Tweek got to be a paranormal investigator after that underpants gnomes incident, although Craig's talent did surprise me a bit.

"My name's Rebecca Marshall, but you can call me Red! I'm the SHSL Hacker." The redhead waved from behind a laptop. Well, she shows off her talent, at least...

"W-Wow, what a great c-class. I'm J-Jimmy Valmer, and I'm the Super High School Level C-Comedian!" Not surprising at all that Jimmy got in for his comedic talent. He still had that stutter, though.

"Bebe Stevens. SHSL Prosecutor. Good to meet you all." Really? Bebe was here? And she was a prosecutor? I'll admit, I didn't pick that out as a talent she'd have, but...

"Heeeey!" Well, that's one I didn't notice. A blonde in a Hooters t-shirt raised her hand. "Mercedes Apollo. Super High School Level Playmate." Those words caused Kenny to grin quite widely, and mouth the words 'told you so' towards me. Not that it mattered too much.

"Annie Nelson! SHSL Mystery Novelist! And this is my sister, Patty, SHSL Party Planner!" The two girls sat close together - I knew their faces, but I hadn't really talked to them that much. Didn't Cartman like that Patty girl a long time ago? That's probably a bad sign, but she looked pretty harmless.

"Nichole Jamison. SHSL Painter." Oh, so Nichole was here? Sweet. Though I didn't see Token anywhere...pretty odd he didn't get in, but whatever. Maybe she still likes me. That'd be nice...and unlikely.

"Clyde Donovan - SHSL Hunter." Clyde of all people was a hunter. Well, he did have a competitive spirit...

"...Henrietta Biggle. SHSL Poet." The goth girl was the last to respond. She frowned, then took another puff of her cigarette. "It's not like it really matters. All you conformists will just leap at the chance to kill the one non-conformist here and get free. I'm an open target, really." She snapped.

"I...don't think anyone has any intention of killing anyone." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "And if they do, then they should get that thought out of their head, because I'm not letting anyone kill anyone. Everyone is going to stay safe, and we're going to wait it out until our parents get worried. They'll wonder why we haven't written to them, at least. Mine will."

"Mine could give less of a shit." Kenny chimed in. "And I'm not exactly up to a massive debate here, but...as you all should remember, every single adult in South Park is an idiot. No excepti-well, no, there was one exception, but he's dead. Triple dead."

"...Well, if anything, I'm going to make sure that we all stay safe until we figure something out, or something happens." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "Who's with me?"

"I'm with ya." It wasn't surprising to see Stan take her side, considering their past relationship. Wendy seemed pleased, but when no one else spoke up, she shook her head.

"Fine, then it'll be Stan and I watching over all of you to make sure that you don't go insane." She stated. "First, someone go check on Cartman. He should be here when we set up some ground rules as well."

Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. Butters could probably handle i-

"Kyle, can you go handle it? I kinda need to talk to Butters for a bit." Stan asked. I breathed out, then shrugged.

"I'm the worst choice for this situation, but alright. I'll go check on fatass." With that, I got up, following in the direction that Cartman had run off in...down a hallway where there were names on the doors. It was probably our rooms. Knowing that much, I walked towards the room that had 'Eric Cartman' written on it, and knocked.

There was silence, and then a small click of a lock as the door cracked open a bit. "..." Cartman stood at the other side of the door, frowning. "What, what the fuck is it, Jew?"

"We're setting down ground rules, and we kinda want everyone there. That includes you."

"Pssh." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, Wendy's taking charge and Stan's being her little bitch." Apparently I was half-smiling or something, because he snorted, and opened the door wider. "Knew it. Alright, alright. They need a real leader there. A Super High School Level Leader." He slipped on his mittens, walking out and closing the door behind him. "Otherwise known as me. C'mon, Kyle, let's go." He took off ahead, and I followed suit. That was easier than expected - of course, I didn't expect what came after to go well.

Cartman slammed the doors to the auditorium open as he walked back in. "Alright, hi. In case you didn't know, I'm Eric Cartman, and I'm SHSL Leader."

"...Leader? That can't be a real title-"

"As much as you won't admit it, Wendy, I have a way with people." Cartman marched to the front, and pushed Wendy aside. "Right. Step aside, this is my territory now." Wendy scowled, but said nothing, taking a seat again.

"Okay. So, the information that we have so far is that we're trapped in this school. Windows have metal plates, and I just went to the door and it's...it's like a vault door, it's locked. There are two hallways, one for boys rooms and one for girls rooms...oh, and the last thing I remember is that there's a second floor, but it's shut off. Can't get up there." He'd done some wandering around while we were discussing things, apparently. "There's also signs pointing to a cafeteria and to a gym, but I didn't check those out. Let's just say that it's typical layout so far, nothing too strange. That's the concerning part. It's a typical layout, so we all know how it generally works and there are damn well easy ways to hide bodies. Especially if you do it while people are sleeping. Here's our first makeshift rule, the night time rule. Once it becomes night...let's say around...10 PM, no one leaves their rooms for any reason. The rooms are pretty close together, so if anyone leaves, we can all easily hear the click of a lock and easily catch whoever it is trying to murder someone. Then we'll know who can't be trusted - but it should be simple, provided you all listen. Any objections?"

The room was quiet. "Good, we're all in agreement. Anyone else have anything to contribute?" Butters raised his hand. "Yes, Butters?"

"I just noticed this thing on the floor in front of me." He held up something that looked like an iPad - the screen was entirely blue, and there was the school's logo behind it. "The screen says it's an electronic student handbook. Does anyone else have one?" Looking down at the floor, it was evident that wherever someone sat, there was a 'Electronic Student Handbook' for them. I reached down and picked mine up, tapping at the screen. Looking through it, it had a small list of rules, a map that showed the basics of the first floor, and short biographies on all of the students. I scrolled to my own.

_Kyle Broflovski_  
_SHSL Basketball Player_  
_Likes: Studying, video games_  
_Dislikes: Arrogance, manipulativeness_

Short, but they got pretty much everything right. It seemed everyone else were generally baffled as well. "How do they know this stuff?!" Butters gasped.

Cartman reached his hand up to his forehead, pinching it. "Du bist ein volltrottel..." (I think? I don't speak German.) He muttered under his breath, then went back to his normal speaking voice. "They have our school records, therefore they have all of this stuff. If we've ever done anything at school, they know about it. At least from what our teachers have written down."

Kenny immediately started laughing. "Pffhahaha, must be a long one on me."

"Your likes include sex, drugs, and dangerous stunts for money." Stan read off. Kenny nodded.

"Yep, they've got that right."

"But since we have the ground rules set down, we don't have to be too concerned. Just keep on your guard." Stan added. Everything seemed to have calmed significantly. It was possible that we had some free time on ha-

"Hey, you know what we should do?" Patty suddenly spoke up. "Have a party!" She announced cheerfully. "It's our first day, after all, and it'll help us all get along!" She clapped her hands.

"That actually sounds pretty fun." Butters smiled. Kenny immediately hopped up.

"I'm going to go find the secret stash of alchohol." He commented.

"How do you know they have one?" Stan asked, and Kenny snickered.

"Pssh, I don't. But almost every school in America has a secret stash of booze & drugs. Every single one I've been to. They don't even lock it up." With that, Kenny departed. Wendy sighed, then followed after Kenny, commenting something along the lines that she was going to 'keep him out of too much trouble.'

Cartman had rushed over to do whatever he could for Patty. Admittedly, that was pretty hilarious - he still liked her, I guess. Patty was edging away from him, and more towards Butters, who seemed a bit confused at the whole situation. A few minutes later, Kenny walked back in, singing loudly, carrying a sack full of beer he'd found from...somewhere. "_**WATER HOSES AND BATONS, THAT'S THE REAL GAME THAT'S ON**_- c'mon, guys, you know this one!"

"_**I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT WHO WINS! ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE!**_" Patty and Kenny had almost too much energy. It was almost like what happened before meant nothing, really...it all seemed like everything was back to normal. The energy was pretty contageous, actually, and it wasn't long before everyone was starting a medley of songs we heard from our childhood...it felt really good, actually.

"...Y'know, it really is weird." Stan had walked over next to me, and watched everyone else. "It's almost like everyone forgot that we're in a life-and-death situation. I mean, yeah, we've gone through a lot worse. Zombies. Mecha-Streisand. Cthulhu. But...problem here is that I don't think we're even knee-deep into it yet." He sighed. "Whoever it is that's keeping us in here, I'm sure...I'm sure that they won't just stop at announcing that _that_ was our only way of escape. They're going to enforce it. Put something more on the line. That's what we have to worry about." He...really did have a point. That couldn't've been the last of it. I knew that much. "But...for now, hey, it's the first time we've seen each other in a while. Wanna enjoy it?" He motioned towards the circle that the rest of our classmates had made. I nodded, and we both dashed into it.

_**"It's like a bad movie, she is lookin' through me, if you were me, then you'd be screamin' 'someone shoot me,' as I fail miserably tryin' to get the girl all the bad guys want!"**_

And that was the best night any of us had had in a long time.


	3. Chapter 2

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**

**act 1: (ab)normal days**

**chapter 2: usagi drop**

**Recommended Music: Beautiful Days - Dangan Ronpa OST**

I opened my eyes the next morning laying in the small bed in my dorm room. From the looks of it, no, it wasn't just a shitty dream. Letting out a small sigh as the TV in my room buzzed on with the bear giving some sort of morning greeting, I put on my normal clothes and walked out to the rest. We'd agreed at the end of the last night to eat breakfast together, and so we were doing that. As I walked into the cafeteria, Stan, Annie, Wendy, Nichole, and Butters were already up. Stan waved to me, and I walked over, taking a seat next to him. It wasn't surprising that we were the first to wake up, honestly.

My seat was inbetween Butters and Stan, and Butters nudged me in the side, glancing back and forth, as if he were nervous. I raised a brow, and he whispered to me. "U-um...I kinda found somethin' in the air conditioning vent in my room last night...maybe Stan, Eric, Kenny, you and I can go look at it after this?" I shrugged, and as Stan clearly heard, he clicked his tongue, drumming his fingers on the table. Clearly, he didn't think it was _too_ urgent, but worth a shot to go and look anyway.

The next group to arrive was Red, Bebe, Clyde, and Tweek. Tweek clearly hadn't slept (then again, he hardly did), and he was even more twitchy than he usually is. Red had brought her laptop with her, and Bebe was still doing a bit of her makeup. None of it seemed too surprising.

After that, Craig, Jimmy, Cartman, Henrietta, Kenny, and Patty showed up. The late ones, of course. Most of them still looked half-asleep, though Kenny seemed the most groggy out of the group. "...Got a fuckin' hangover." He stated as he sat down at the table.

"That's why you shouldn't've drank so much. Or gotten beer in the first place, really." Wendy commented.

"Oh, shove it up your ass, Polly-Preach-A-Lot." Kenny laid his head on the table and into his arms. "Mmphmmphmmphmpph." His speech was muffled, but we'd gotten used to that, really. He just was still whining about his 'worst hangover ever.' Cartman sat in front of me, on the other side of the table, and yawned as he looked at everyone else. And then he presented an interesting point.

"Where's Annie?"

**Recommended Music: Beautiful Dead - Dangan Ronpa OST**

"She got kinda sick last night." Craig spoke up. "I heard her puking earlier. So she might've just stuck to her room."

"Right, well. Someone check on her and make sure she's not dead." Cartman stated, then laid his head on the table much like Kenny had. "Craig, Patty, I volunteer you two for tributes."

"Well, she is my sister after all..." Patty frowned a bit, looking worried. "I wish I could do something to really help her, but...mmn. I can't really do much, can I?" She sighed. Cartman hastily looked up, shaking his head.

"N-No, no, I'm sure she'll be very grateful and she'll get better soon." Wow, he really had it bad. I smirked, and Cartman shot me a death glare, which made it even more hilarious. Patty nodded silently, and then she looked over at Craig, smiling.

"C'mon! I'm sure she'll be glad to see you!" She began skipping off. Craig said nothing, his emotion not changing, and followed after her. As soon as they were out of earshot...

"Mmmphmmmphmmph. Mmmphmmph. Mmph. Kehehehe." In a rough translation, that meant 'Wow, someone's thirsty as hell. Poor Patty. All my pity. Kehehehe.'

"Shut the fuck up, Kenny."

"Mmmmhpph." 'You wound me.'

Butters looked around, and then told Cartman and Kenny the same thing that he'd told Stan and I. They seemed to have the same general reaction of 'it's not important, but hey, something to do.' A few minutes later, Patty and Craig came back.

"Door's locked from the inside." Craig said. "I checked. Annie didn't say anything, either."

"-Dude, then we should probably break in! That could mean-"

"No, no! I talked with her earlier." Patty interjected. "She seemed a bit more paranoid than usual, even towards me. I...I don't think it would be a good idea to intrude on her now. She probably needs some privacy to calm down. Can you please trust me on this one?"

"...Alright, but if she's not saying anything by tomorrow, we bust in. We can't risk someone being dead without us knowing exactly what happened." Stan resigned himself for now. Patty clapped her hands, smiling.

"Yay! Thankyouthankyouthankyouuuu!"

Kenny looked up, his expression reading 'fucking really?' Stan just shrugged. Even Butters seemed to be put a bit off by her cheerfulness, seeing that when she sat down he instinctively scooted away from her. After a few more minutes, Clyde got up.

"I'm going back to my room if there's not anything else." He stated. No one said anything, and he did so. As soon as he did, Butters hopped up. We all gradually followed him, so that fewer people would take notice.

"Alright, it's in here." Butters said, opening his room. Cartman raised a brow, and was the first to barge in. Stan, Kenny, and I followed after.

"Dude, there's nothing here."

**Recommended Music: Miss Monomi's Practice Lesson - Super Danganronpa 2 OST**

"Wait a second." Butters closed the door, and then crept over, opening the door to the vent. "It's safe." He whispered to...something. He then leaned out, as...what the hell? There was a pink-and-white colored rabbit wearing a diaper crawling out of the air conditioning vent. "Guys, meet Miss Monomi." He smiled.

"...Uh, Butters, you do realize that it was an evil plush toy keeping us locked up here in the first place?" Cartman crossed his arms, clearly not trusting this 'Monomi'. "Is this one affiliated wit-"

"N-No! Just let her explain."

"I-I'm sowwy fow being hidden so wong." Monomi spoke up. It was a small, light voice with a heavy lisp. "Monobeaw is my bwothew...but! I'm not his slave! I'm youw actual teachew! And...I want to stop him as much as you all do, and just spread wuv, wuv!"

Butters was smiling brightly. Clearly, he'd formed an attachment to her. "See, fellas? She's not that bad. Or bad at all, actually."

"..." There was a brief pause, and Cartman sighed. "I don't know whether to be immensely disturbed, or dramatically transform into Scott Malkinson because all this fucking sugar is giving me diabetes. I'm not going to hurt it, but I don't trust it. I don't trust anything that's so cutesy-cutesy that I want to gorge my eyes out and deafen myself."

Monomi put her paws over her mouth, her eyes flooding with tears, stepping back towards Butters. "Eric, you upset her..." He pouted.

"Oh, I upset a plush doll, those have feelings no-"

Kenny walked in front of Cartman, looked into his eyes, and said two words. "Clyde. Frog." Cartman immediately shut up. He had no defense against that.

Stan was looking at it a bit more skeptically. "So is this a robot too? Who's controlling it?"

"No one's contwolling me..." Monomi muttered quietly. Butters shrugged.

"She says that she doesn't have anyone controlling her." He said, sticking his hands into his pockets. "Maybe she just has...advanced AI?"

"That's a possibility, I guess, but really unlikely. Even then, there's got to be someone who made her."

"...That's top secwet." Monomi stated. "But please...please know that I'm not hewe to huwt any of you!"

"Look...I'm sorry, but I can't entirely trust you on that. I mean, yeah, I think you're pretty nice from what I can tell, but I don't know what side you're on, if you're even on a side." Stan kneeled down, extending his hand, smiling a bit. "But, hey, if you're what you say you are, we'll stop your 'brother'. I'm sure you'll be a better teacher than him."

Monomi seemed to cheer up significantly, considering she ran over and hugged Stan. I really wasn't sure what to say. Cartman rolled his eyes and walked out, Kenny blinking a bit and then leaving as well. Stan grinned a bit, hugging Monomi, and then he stood up, letting go. "Butters, you might want to keep her hidden."

"I kinda let her set up camp inside the air conditionin' vent." Butters nodded. "She'll be safe with me."

"Good." Stan nodded in return, leaving, and I began to follow after-

"Uhm, Kyle?"

"Yeah, Butters?"

Butters shifted a bit, looking up at me nervously. "If anything happens to me, I want you to help Miss Monomi." Monomi looked up at me as if expectant. Christ, what a guilt trip.

"Uh, sure, Butters. But I don't think anything will happen to you."

"Well, I sure hope not..." He looked down at his feet. "But...just in case."

"I getcha." I walked out, ending up in the hall. Hm. Looks like I have some free time. Who could I spend time with...

**Recommended Music: Beautiful Days -Piano Arrange- - Super Danganronpa 2 OST**

Cartman had apparently ended up leaving the rest of the guys and going back to his room. He looked over at me as I passed by - did I really want to spend time with him? Really?

I must be losing my mind.

"Oh, hey, Jew." That was a typical greeting. "That was really weird, that whole rabbit thing."

"Would it have been more natural if a plushie suddenly appeared and started speaking to you first?"

"Pssh. Yes. Obviously." It was pretty odd that we were having a civil conversation after...what we were like in the past. And yet, here we were, joking around. "Even then, I dunno. That bear hasn't done anything more." He shrugged. "Maybe it was all just a big prank?"

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't explain the doors and windows."

"Point taken, but still, you'd expect...something. Some sort of motivation. A motive."

"...You really are taking this seriously, aren't you?" I could feel myself smirking a bit.

"I'm the leader for a reason. That reason being that I'm going to solve this shit and get us out of here, and then fly back to California. Where it's warm and I don't have to wear this heavy fuckin' coat."

"We're inside. It's pretty room temperature."

"..." He glanced around. "...I'm not riskin' it. If a window breaks, I'm the only survivor of the hypothermia crisis. Besides, you're wearing your hat sti-wait, wait. Do you still have that jewfro?"

"...Maybe."

"Pfffhahaha. Lemmie see, lemmie see."

"You'll just use it to rip on me more, like you used to!"

A brief silence. "...You think I'm still the absolute same, Kyle? I'm not." He actually looked pretty depressed. "I mean, yeah, I'm still obviously the same guy, but I've grown up. Kinda. I kinda had to, with the whole..."

"With the what?"

"...My mom got married to this guy named Louis. He's an alright guy, I guess, met him when he brought Rika over. His daughter. So, uh...I'm...I'm not exactly spoiled anymore. Louis and mom are usually off at work and Rika's kinda my responsibility too, now, so..." He didn't seem to be bullshitting on this. Maybe he actually had grown up. "Really, I kinda kept the whole act up online so that you guys wouldn't get too concerned, heh."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"Why would I? I've got no reason to. I know we're still not on the best terms, but...I...I'm sorry for all those times I ripped on you before, Kyle. Y'wanna...start over, kinda?"

"I don't think it's possible to start over, but...hey, you seem to mean it. Apology accepted. Sorry for all those times I kicked your ass _**for**_ being an asshole."

"I kinda earned it."

"You kinda did."

"You were supposed to say-"

"I know. But I'm not going to lie."

"You're still a little monster, Kyle." He smirked a bit. "But you're _**my**_ little monster."

"And what does that mean?"

"I'll leave that up to your imagination." With that, he walked into his room and closed the door. He had gotten better, admittedly, but...I don't know. It's really odd. I probably can spend free time with one more person...but who?

**Recommended Music: All All Apologies - Dangan Ronpa OST**

After another short trip down the hall, I noticed Patty standing by one of the glass windows. She seemed lonely...I might as well.

"...Patty?"

"Oh!" She turned around, her eyes widening. "Ah, you're Kyle, right? I'm super duper sorry I didn't notice ya before...I'm kinda...distracted right now."

"This is about your sister, isn't it?"

Patty nodded, a bit reluctantly. "Y-Yeah. I haven't been apart from Annie in years. She was always the brave one, y'know? Even if she was my little sister, I...I really do get lonely without her." She bit one of her nails. "I mean, I know people are trying to make it up to me! Like, I'm really grateful! But I still...kinda...feel empty."

"It's alright, it's understandable, considering the circumstances. I mean, if my little brother was here, I'd be worried sick-"

"Oh, you have a little brother?" She smiled brightly.

"Yeah. He's adopted, but...he's as good as blood to me. Ike's his name."

"Ah, yeah, yeah! I've seen him once or twice! Cap'n Maplebeard!"

"Pff, he got you into that?"

"Of course! I was his swabby!" She saluted. "Ehehehehe." Wow, I can kinda see why anyone would like her. She's really cute. "So, so...were you here to try to cheer me up, or just hang out, or...?"

"Hang out. It seemed like we had some free time, thought I'd see how you were doing, too."

"Oh...w-well, I'm doing the best I can. Thank you. For caring." She bit her lip. "I'd invite you to check on Annie with me, but she's got this thing about men...she's kinda afraid of 'em. Like, really afraid. She said she'd burst into hives if a guy touched her, but I kiiiiiinda doubt that's true. It's really funny, cause her boss is a guy, so she kinda edges away at all the meetings until her back's against the wall..." She tilted her head, then looked down. "I really do hate how everyone's so depressed-ish. It's not...I became a party planner to avoid that, y'know? Make people happy! Parties make everyone happy!"

"An admirable goal, at least."

"Mmmhmm! I mean, I think my mom would be proud of both Annie and I! ...Maybe my dad too...then again, I wouldn't know."

"Huh?"

"He left when I was real, real little...so the only way I know he exists is through photos. I don't know his name, either..." She sighed. "I...I'm sorry! I'm probably boring you with all this silly depressing stuff! So sorry, so very sorry!"

"No, no, it's fine, honestly! If venting helps you, go ahead."

"...You helped enough." She smiled. "Thank you, Kyle." With that, she skipped over and - wait. Did she just kiss me on the cheek? "See you later!" And now she's gone.

I think I accidentally made a girl like me. Whoops.

Just then, the speakers crackled to life. "Attention, students of St Charles! Please report to the auditorium! It's time for your first motive!" Oh boy. Biting my tongue, I started reluctantly walking to the auditorium.

**Recommended Music: Mr. Monokuma's Extracurricular Lesson - Dangan Ronpa OST**

As I walked in, it was practically a storm of uneasiness throughout the room. The guys had saved me a seat, and we sat in the order we had before. Everyone seemed some degree of frightened as to what this might be (even Cartman)...except for Kenny. Kenny seemed to be his usual self, staring up at the ceiling. Apparently he was counting the tiles on it, judging by the way he was mouthing numbers. He was always a bit odd, admittedly.

After a few minutes of silence, the plush bear reappeared on the podium. "So, we're all here to hear our first motive! But first - **STAND! BOW! GOOD MORNING, YOU BASTARDS!**" As no one did nothing, he appeared to grow annoyed. "...Fine, fine, kill my fun. But don't make that the only thing you kill, eh? Your first motive is this..." Dramatic pause. "The first killer will get a position of power in this school. As in - they won't be bound to the same restrictions and rules that you are. And they'll even get a fancy crown!" Looking around, Kenny was still disinterested, Cartman looked a bit skeptic, Butters seemed more afraid than ever, and Stan seemed pretty worried...even if he tried to hide it. "So, in total, that makes guaranteed escape and significant power. Who knows? That power may even be used to get rid of me. Gehehehe. So, take the risks that you must! Boys, be ambitious!" I could practically hear the cartoonish trumpets signalling the start of a war as the bear sank back down into his trap door.

The silence that happened after that speech was almost deafening. Kenny was the first to break the silence. "It's not like anyone's going to do it." He commented dryly. "I mean, none of you seem to be freaking out. It's like we're in summer camp with more incentive to turn it into the Hunger Games. And frankly, no offense, but none of you appear to be the battle-ready warriors that that requires."

"...It's more like Battle Royale, actually..." Wendy spoke up, crossing her arms. "Almost the exact same...none of us were assigned a weapon, though. That makes things significantly harder if anyone snaps-"

"_**When **_anyone snaps." Henrietta, surprisingly, was the one to be the vocal pessimist this time. "Let's face it: he said that this was the first motive. It's not going to be the last. The stakes are going to rise until someone finally does it. It's going to be a matter of time before someone does it. And then when they do it, they'll get nothing but stink eye if found out, and then they'll pay for it, even though everyone else was close to doing the exact same thing. It's what conformists do." There were a few who seemed to share the sentiment, notably Craig, Cartman, and Clyde. I don't know where I lie where this is concerned. It's natural for there to be some paranoia, but would anyone actually do it?

That was almost a rhetorical question. This school is still in South Park. We're still near all the insanity. That means that most people here are stupid enough to do it. And that's why I can't let my guard down.


	4. Chapter 3

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**

**act 1: (ab)normal days**

**chapter 3: the rubble or our sins**

**!CONTENT WARNING!: This chapter is the first appearance of a corpse, and may have things that sicken readers. There is also an execution, which, admittedly, does get a bit graphic.**

**!PAIRING WARNING!: Because has a character limit and I wasn't able to put it into the summary, I'll be warning all of you - this story's main parings are Kyman, Kendy, and Stutters. Admittedly, I'll be developing them all to the point where they are quite believable, but I'm tossing a warning out there for those who absolutely hate those ships no matter what. **

**Recommended Music: Despair-Syndrome - Dangan Ronpa OST**

The rest of the day proceeded without incident. Most of us kept to ourselves from that point on. Even Stan, it seemed, didn't want to talk to anyone after that. And, to be honest, I don't blame him. It was enough to have the constant risk of getting killed, but with more motivation...and by people you once considered friends? That was enough to drive someone insane with paranoia. But I'm not going to be the person that loses their mind.

It was the next morning, far earlier than anyone else, that there was a knock on my door. I answered it, a bit reluctantly, and the person that was standing outside was none other than Kenny. "Hey. Listen, Kyle, I know you're going to think that this is really dumb, but...I'm pretty sure we should check on Annie. No matter what fatass or Patty says. You in, or no? Because I can always get Stan if you're not-"

"I'm in."

"Alright." Kenny nodded, leading the way. I followed after, and as we got to Annie's room, he tugged on the lock. "Yeah, she was right, it's locked." He sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this, but we're gonna have to break the door down. Kyle, stand back." Kenny, of all people, was going to break the do-

_CRACK._

I can't believe it. He actually did it. How much power was in that kick?!

**Recommended Music: BOX 15 - Dangan Ronpa OST**

As the door was 'opened', it began to fall backwards...but it was propped up by something. Kenny took hold of the door, and began to move it, making it visible that there was a table propping it up.

**evidence bullet: table in front of the door**

He took a look at the side of the door that was formerly on the inside, and he blinked. "...There's no lock on this door. Well. Guess we've got a quick-and-easy resolve to that problem right here." He motioned to the table. "I'm going inside the room." With that, Kenny climbed over the table, and landed inside. I followed suit, and-GODDAMN!

Sure enough, Annie's corpse was lying on the ground, already smelling...well...like a corpse. She'd apparently fallen from a desk she was sitting on, or so it seemed. On the desk was a glass of water that seemed to have taken on an odd tint. Blood, maybe? The other thing on top of it was a laptop that had gone into sleep mode.

"**ATTENTION, STUDENTS! A BODY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED! YOU WILL HAVE A BRIEF INVESTIGATION PERIOD, AND THEN A CLASS TRIAL WILL BE HELD!**" An announcement rang off, and Kenny sighed, pinching the bridge of his forehead.

"They'll all be here soon."

**Recommended Music: Weekly Despair Magazine - Dangan Ronpa OST**

With that, Kenny leaned down next to the corpse, and poked at it.

"Dude, that's sick!"

"I'm doing this for a reason. I saw something." As he had predicted, there was something on...in? the corpse. Specifically, maggots.

"...uggh." I tried not to look.

"Maggots only develop on a corpse 24 hours after death." Kenny got up from his crouching position, and crossed his arms. "She's been dead longer than 24 hours. Knew we should've checked this room earlier."

**evidence bullet: maggots in the corpse**

The others were already coming in. Most of them had frightened faces, not daring to get too close to anything. Stan, Butters, and Cartman came in about the same time, and Cartman raised a brow. "Oh. It happened already." He didn't seem too shocked. "Alright, people, unless you're going to investigate, I suggest you clear out. Crime scene, you've all seen CSI, you know how this works."

At that moment, Patty came in. "...A-ANNIE!" She instantly burst into tears, dashing over to the corpse. "Annie...no...why..." She sobbed into the palms of her hands. "Y-You said you were just...s-sick...why didn't you tell me?!"

It was really depressing to watch, as to be expected. Kenny seemed less than caring, while Cartman was stuck at a point of uneasiness, apparently wanting to comfort her but not having the nerve to. After a few minutes, Patty stood up, wiping her eyes. "..." Her face changed to be deadly serious. "Find whoever did this. Make them pay." She stated, in a tone unlike her usual one, and then she proceeded out, punching at the table as she left, leaving a loud metallic echo in her wake.

"...Well, she's pissed." Kenny seemed to shrug it off. "But yeah, this is all the time we have to investigate, so...we've gotta make usage of it." Everyone seemed to have cleared out except for Bebe, Kenny, Cartman, Stan, Wendy, and I.

Cartman nodded at Kenny's words, and Kenny had done before, he began examining the corpse. "...No signs of a struggle...maggots..." Making a disgusted face, he looked at the stain on her shirt, sniffing at it a bit. "Yeah, that's vomit. Ugh."

**evidence bullet: no signs of a struggle**

**evidence bullet: vomit on the victim's shirt**

Cartman apparently saw something else, as he lifted her shirt up a bit, and stared at something that was along a side of her stomach. "Kenny. Take out your pocketknife."

Kenny did so, and handed it to him. Pressing it against the corpse, he narrowed his eyes. "This cut was caused by that pocketknife. There's no doubt about that."

**evidence bullet: pocketknife cut along side of the stomach**

"This exact one?"

"Unless someone has a pocketknife that I don't know of. But chances are that it was this one."

Kenny had taken to examining the other things around the room, and was now sniffing at a glass of water. "Arsenic. There's arsenic in this glass. Distilled, but it's there. Not like it's visible, but the smell is enough." Considering Kenny's background, he probably knew instantly what it was.

**evidence bullet: arsenic in a glass of water**

Stan was looking at the bed. Beneath it, he apparently noticed something, and was enlisting Bebe's help to adjust the bed so that he could see better. As they moved the bed away, it was visible what those things could've been.

First, there were shards of a beer bottle, and beer on the carpet to match it. It looked to be one of the ones that Kenny had gotten for us all on the party night.

**evidence bullet: beer bottle shards and spilled beer on the carpet**

The second thing was a bit more...straightforward. Written on the wall, in blood, previously hidden by the bed were the letters 'CT'.

**evidence bullet: CT written in blood**

It was dried blood, of course, but the message was still there. Cartman had taken hold of the laptop, looking at the screen carefully. "..." All it seemed to be was a horror story that was half-written, but looking at one of the periods in the story...it was a barely visible hyperlink. He clicked it, and a black page with red text instantly appeared on the screen.

_'Trip upon trenchers, and dance upon dishes_

_My mother sent me for some barm; some barm_

_She bid me go lightly, and come again quickly, for fear the young men should do me some harm._

_Yet didn't you see, yet didn't you see, what naughty tricks they put upon me?_

_They broke my pitcher, and spilt the water, and huffed my mother, and chid her daughter_

_And kissed my sister instead of me.'_

The nursery rhyme was the only thing on the page, and the window closed itself after 5 minutes.

**evidence bullet: nursery rhyme webpage**

With that, Cartman closed the laptop up, placing it back onto the table. "Right, well. Either the victim was a pretentious fuck who thought that putting some sort of poem as her dying note was fitting enough, or the killer is a pretentious fuck." He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his forehead. "No matter what, though, it's some sort of pretentious riddle to decipher. And I'll be doing exactly that by myself."

"Not with your gir-"

"Finishing that sentence is a death wish, Kenny."

"Fine, fine." Kenny stuck his tongue out, grinning. Just then, Nichole hopped in, holding...was that hair?

"Hey, you think this has any relevance? I've been finding this all over the place. Same color and all."

"...That's one of the symptoms of arsenic. Hair loss." Kenny stated.

**evidence bullet: locks of hair around the school**

"That's what it's been?" Nichole blinked. "..." Wih a brief pause, she took out a drawing notebook from a bag that was over her shoulder, and began sketching out the whole scene for reference later.

"Well, I'm going to go put the pieces together. The rest of you should attempt to do the same. Kyle, you were one of the first here, along with Kenny, so take that as you will. You had more time to look over things, and therefore...I'm sure you both can handle it." Cartman took one more glance at me, before presumably muttering quietly to himself what sounded like "Bitte lassen Sie sich nicht verletzt. Ich pflege sie weit mehr, als Sie glauben..." And then he ran off.

Sometimes, I wonder what he's going on about, but then I realize that I really don't want to know. As the room cleared out, Stan put his hand on my shoulder. He's a bit taller than me, admittedly, and that kinda reminded me of that fact.

"...You think we'll be able to get this right?" He asked, his voice wavering a bit. "I mean...we're not exactly detectives, none of us are. I mean, sure, Cartman's acting like he's got an exact idea, but..."

"Well...we can't exactly give up hope in ourselves yet."

"I'd like to think so, but...it's...not exactly what I thought would happen when I came to this school."

"What were you expecting? A normal life like we had when we were kids? That wasn't exactly normal, either."

"Well, yeah, but I kinda...I kinda wanted it to be normal. Just this once. At least...normal to the point where we'd be able to hang out and have fun, like back then."

"No one's saying we can't do that."

"We've all changed, you can tell." Stan sighed. "I'm more cynical, you're less hot-headed-"

"Hey."

"It's true...Kenny's more serious, and Cartman's...not an asshole. We're all really different now."

"Then let's get used to being how we are now, but...Stan, I don't think that age changes super best friends."

Stan laughed a bit, and with a quick glance around...he grabbed hold of me in a hug. Not like I minded too much. "...Stop being so tall." I muttered.

"Stop being so short."

"I can't."

"Neither can I."

"Asshole."

"Love you too."

"**ATTENTION, STUDENTS! PLEASE PROCEED TO THE ELEVATOR! OUR CLASS TRIAL WILL BE BEGINNING SHORTLY! **" The announcement buzzed as we walked out of the room. Stan let out a sigh, and we both began walking towards the elevator. The group gathered slowly, each and every one of them seeming to have different emotions. Patty was the worst off, considering she was shaking. I can't imagine how she feels right now.

The elevator arrived with a ding, and we all stepped inside. As the metallic doors closed, I could only remember one thing.

This would be the last time we saw one person here.

The metallic doors opened again, revealing a courtroom with one gigantic throne that Monokuma had placed himself in, several stands placed in a circle, one for everyone, and...the one that had been intended for Annie had, instead, a monochrome photo of her on a stand. It was unnerving, to say the least, but we all took our positions at our stands.

"As this is the first trial, I'm going to explain the rules, just this once! So listen up." The bear commanded. "We'll be doing a class discussion - all of you bastards can talk freely about the case one at a time, and if there's anyone who sees a contradiction or anything incriminating, they can feel free to speak up. At the end, you'll all get to vote on a culprit. If you get the right culprit, they'll be executed. However...if you vote the wrong culprit, everyone else will get executed instead, and the culprit will go free! We're going on majority vote, so try to convince everyone to your side. Upupupu..." The bear seemed absloutely thrilled at the prospect of an execution. "So, let's begin!"

**Recommended Music: Class Trial - Dawn Edition - Dangan Ronpa OST**

**- CLASS DISCUSSION: BEGIN! -**

"Restating the information that we know, the victim is Annie Nelson." Bebe began the discussion. "She was poisoned with arsenic in a glass of water."

"She got the water probably from the kitchen. Could the water supply be poisoned?" Butters offered.

"No matter what happened with it, her body was discovered earlier today. **She presumably died earlier this morning**."

No, wait...that's not right. "**YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG!**" I paused, as everyone looked at me.

**evidence bullet: no sign of a struggle**

**- evidence bullet: maggots in the corpse -**

**evidence bullet: nursery rhyme**

"There were maggots inside of Annie's body, which, as Kenny told me, only appear 24 hours after death. She probably died the day before, but no one checked on her." Everyone seemed to agree.

"Alright, that makes sense. But someone did check on her." Red stated.

_Who checked on her?_

Red & Bebe/Nichole & Clyde/**Craig & Patty**

"That's right, Craig and Patty did." Stan continued. "Craig, Patty, anything you have to say for yourselves?"

"The fact that I went to check on her is pretty useless. **She opened the door **and talked to me that morning, and she was fine..." Patty looked down.

"**YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG!**"

**evidence bullet: cut on the victim's body**

**evidence bullet: glass of water with arsenic**

**-evidence bullet: table pushed in front of the door -**

"There was a table pushed in front of the door. She couldn't've opened the door, considering she'd be pretty weak at that time, weak enough to not be able to move something that heavy without assistance."

"Pretty sure that would be right." Clyde spoke up. "But who helped her move the table in the first place?"

"Presumably? The killer." It was a bit of a jump theory, but that's what I believed. Now it's up to me to help them believe it, too.

"The two people sent to check on Annie were Craig and I, that's true. But Craig is pretty incriminated! His initials were on the wall!" Patty glared at Craig, who raised his hand up slowly...and flipped her off. Not surprising.

_Why were Craig's initials on the wall if he is innocent?_

**The victim assisted the killer**/The victim didn't like him/Aliens did it

"What if the victim assisted the killer and attempted to frame Craig?"

There was a small hush before Cartman took over the discussion again. "The victim apparently got a pocketknife, cut themselves, and wrote CT on the wall? Tell me, Kyle, why do you think she would do that?"

"...She couldn't betray her own sister."

Patty rose up again and glared at me. "Y-You wouldn't! It's not me! Why would I kill my own sister?! It's not like I have anything to gain from it! Nothing that would be worth her life, at least!"

_Why did Annie assist the culprit?_

Self-loathing/Aliens made her do it/**She believed the culprit could get free**

"She didn't happen to agree with that statement." God, I was getting in pretty deep. Why am I the one spearheading this trial, of all people? "Her sentiment was that if she died, you'd be able to escape on her behalf. She had no connections to anyone else, therefore, she didn't care too much that everyone else would be punished, and in fact, tried to help you."

"...how depressin'..." Butters commented. All eyes were on Patty, who had...slowly shifted expressions. She was grinning.

"PFFFHAHAHAHAHA! YOU THINK SHE CARED ABOUT ME THAT MUCH?! FUCKING PLEASE!" She was screaming to the point where her voice would grow hoarse at moments, and then pick up again. "My sister didn't give two shits about me. She wanted me to die! ME! THAT'S WHY SHE'S DOING THIS! SHE WANTS ME TO DIE, JUST LIKE SHE DID! Oh...oh...and there's this little thing. This morning, the first to arrive were...Kenny and Kyle. And loook who's pointing fingers!" Now she was just saying everything in a singsong tone, giggling afterwards. "The fact of the matter is that you killed her right before we all came in."

"Maggots take 24 hours to grow." Kenny stated nonchalantly. "If it were worms or something, sure, I can see how you'd be suspicious, but you're kinda digging your own grave at this point."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!" She was tugging at her hair, glaring harshly at me.

I had to piece this together. How could I do it? What could prove that Patty was truly the culprit?

**Recommended Music: Re: Climactic Reasoning - SDR2 OST**

**CLIMAX INFERENCE**

"I'll put this all together in one easy-to-follow story.

Annie had left the party to get another bottle of beer. She noticed the culprit was also out, but she knew that she was apart from the rest of the party and so she simply thought that the culprit was wondering what she was doing and trying to check on her before anyone else jumped to conclusions.

The culprit followed Annie to the kitchen, where they saw that Craig was up getting a glass of water for himself. Craig attempted to explain that that was exactly what he was doing, but Annie freaked out, believing that he was there to murder whoever came into the kitchen. She attempted to scream, but Craig slammed his hands over her mouth in panic, silencing her screams.

The culprit swore to calm her down, and Craig dashed off, forgetting his glass of water. While Annie was trying to calm herself down, the culprit had already found arsenic placed in the school earlier, presumably for this exact purpose, and they had poisoned the cup of water while Annie wasn't looking, giving it to her to help her calm down. She went on as normal until she finally began to feel sick. She ran to the kitchen and began throwing up, causing the stain on her shirt.

The culprit suggested that she go get some rest, and Annie agreed. Yesterday morning, the culprit was one of the two who was sent to check on Annie, and they sent their partner off in another direction, claiming they saw a strange shadow. At this time, the culprit opened the door to see Annie suffering from the last stages of the poisoning (having taken a beer later to try to dull the pain from the party), and she claimed that she had just led the 'real culprit' on a snipe hunt, buying Annie time to barricade the door. Annie got up hastily, knocking over the bottle, and she brushed the shards under the bed, having the culprit's assistance to put a table in front of the door, which she adjusted once the door was closed.

The culprit claimed that the door was locked from the inside and that Annie wasn't responding, and so they reported back, claiming that. Stan rightfully suggested that it was suspicious and that someone should get inside immediately, while the culprit claimed that she had spoken to Annie earlier and that she was seeming more paranoid than usual, leading to the mutual agreement that she may just be acting under stress from the circumstances. She wasn't, of course, but that bought the culprit time, and Annie gladly let her in. The culprit placed fake evidence around the room, and then she revealed that she was the actual killer, leading to the culprit's rapid escape and the victim seeming resigned to her fate due to betrayal from someone she loved so much despite her painful death, and yet she still edited her story to include that nursery rhyme before she died, which laid out all the events.

Kenny and I checked the room just in case two days later, breaking the door and seeing the body. That's when the annoucement went off. I'm not missing anything, am I...**PATTY NELSON**?"

**Recommended Music: Justice For Our Prime Suspect! - SDR2 OST**

"H...HAAAAAAH!" Patty was looking every which way, laughing, once again. "YOU FUCKING MORON! I WISH YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS DEAD INSTEAD OF HER! I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOU, YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCHY BRAT!"

"Back off of him." Stan glared at Patty in return.

"STAY OUT OF THIS! THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND YOUR LITTLE BITCH. I KNOW YOU'D LOVE TO DEFEND SOMEONE WHO GETS DOWN ON THEIR KNEES FOR YOU EVERY NIGHT, BUT I'M NOT HAVING IT!"

"Oh, jeez. She really is a bitch." Kenny snickered. "Furthermore, if they did that, I'd know-"

"FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU! THE SLUT, THE BASTARD, AND THE BASTARD'S KIKE BOYFRIEND! ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE!"

"Patty. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Wait, Cartman was actually going against her?

"Der schwanzlutscher! Schwuler!" And now they're arguing in a language I can't even understand.

"Verpiss dich!" Whatever it was, it seemed pretty damn intense. At that point, Monokuma began giggling.

"Pffhehehe. As much as I'd like to let this go on, we'll have to finish up now. So, go ahead! Vote on who you believe the culprit is!"

**WHO IS THE CULPRIT?**

**PATTY NELSON**

With that, the bear slammed his gavel down, a sound from a retro game playing as he did so.

"W-WAIT! I HAVE POWER NOW! I CAN...I CAN STOP THIS!" Patty wailed. Monokuma hopped over, putting a fake crown on her head.

"Nope. Your power only extends to day-to-day matters. This is special. It can't be stopped."

"W-WHAT-"

**GAME OVER**

**PATTY NELSON HAS BEEN FOUND GUILTY.**

**HER EXECUTION BEGINS NOW.**

What came next wasn't pretty, to say the least.

**Recommended Music: Punishment feat. Hell-icopter - SDR2 OST**

**- THE SMILING GIRL'S FAILED PARTY **-

Patty was first dragged onto what looked like a mansion, and a Monokuma went up to her, ordering things for a party. Patty listened, took note, and started adjusting them as fit. As soon as she had finished, a group of Monokumas showed up, grabbed her, and pinned her to a wall with sharp nails. She screamed...and then they started throwing white balls at her that burst into confetti on impact as she bled. And then came the darts. Lawn darts, really. One of the Monokumas reached up, drew a target on her face, and another began to aim. Patty tried to protect herself, but she was pinned: she couldn't move, and all she was doing was furthering the tears on her arms. The Monokuma aimed...aimed...and tripped, sending the dart flying into her eye. She screamed again, blood dripping down her face, the Monokumas now tying a blindfold over another one of their sorts and handing him a baseball bat. He began hitting Patty with it, and then giggled as she started crying, bleeding even more, now dumping a glass of wine over her head. A few minutes later, the Monokumas departed, and Patty was left hanging on the wall, bleeding out, crying.

Her party gave others laughs, but made herself depressed. Perhaps it was symbolic, but...it was hard to cope with anything, considering it had been done right in front of our eyes.

Most were paralyzed with fear. Some were crying. A few more tried to keep a strong face, but it wasn't particularly calming.

I was faced with the reality of what had just happened.

This was all real. The school that was intended for hope was turning into a school of despair. Could I trust my friends anymore? I don't know.

The fact was, I had condemned a girl to a brutal death in the name of law and order.

And if I wanted to survive, I'd have to do the same thing many more times.

**end of act 1**

**students left: 15**


	5. Intermission: Monokuma Theatre 1

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**

**intermission**

**Monokuma Theatre #1**

"I know you all can't see me, so it's almost useless to thank you, but thank you for reading this fanfiction. Gehe...you didn't have to pay anything, either. What if we'd slapped a paywall onto this? Would you still want to read it?

That's the thing with money-making in this new day and age. You can find pretty much everything on the internet anyway, so why do you still pay for anything? You don't have to do much of anything out of your house anymore. If you want to work out, play one of those fancy-ass dance videogames. If you want to earn money, get a job online! Even if you need to order groceries or something, you can just order it online, all from the comfort of your home. I've almost entirely forgotten what the sun feels like!

Nonetheless, you can really just manage to get anything on the internet, and most of the time it's cheaper than things you can get in person! Sooner or later, PayPal will become the world's most respected currency, and paper money will plummet into the depths of yesteryear!

But back to my original point. If there was a paywall in front of this, someone would've already uploaded this to another site for free, and it'd be more popular than it is now. People love what they can't grab. If you make something unavailable to the general public, people get curious. It's like movie trailers. You only show the best parts, and cover up the fact that it's really garbage...that's why most of the highest-grossing films are actually crap!

In addition, there's that whole thing with copyright. The more you get sued, the more you get put on TV! Maybe the author should change all our names and pass this off as an original novel. What would my new name be? Greykuma? And it would star Erik Nartkan and Kell Brocolli? I smell a bestseller!

My point is that money is remarkably easy to get in the modern age. If you see an ad about how you can make loads of dough by doing this one simple thing, click it! You're supporting another basement nerd's cocaine addiction, and we all know that we need to weed out the NEET.

...Keh, I wish that this was visual. Someone should remake this all into a game, or something. That's what it was intended to be in the first place...stupid authors and their no talent at art..."


End file.
